Morning Reads for Friday, March 21, 2014

March 21, 2014 6:15 am

by Obi's Sister · 20 comments

dogsledRemembering the Patron Saint of Peach Pundit, Lewis Grizzard. It’s hard to believe it’s been 20 years.

Here:
- By the morning, we should see what sausage legislation emerges from the factory at the Gold Dome. Even for campus carry.
- Cuttin’ a rug.
- Head out to Newton County for the GA-10 Candidate Forum. PP’s own Jason Pye will be a moderator.
- Regents approve system-wide smoking ban. Campus borders will officially become the state’s largest smoking lounges, complete with worn recliners.
- Mark my words, there will be a gnome revolt.

There:
- Berkeley just loves Rand Paul. Wait. What?
- Harry Reid doesn’t like tightie-whities. Wait. What?
- “Unexpectedly.” Wait. What?
- If this looks chillingly familiar, you DIDN’t sleep through World History. Wait. What?

Random Everywhere:
- Starbuckz to start serving the winez.
- Did you know that Urban Meyer used to be a Brave?
- Vintage Star Wars pix.
- If you don’t do anything else today, head over to Doug Richard’s blog Live Apartment Fire. Show him some love and let him know more than 10 people read it.

Harry March 21, 2014 at 6:22 am

Hunters get to use silencers, but otherwise not too much bang for the buck this session.

Noway March 21, 2014 at 7:39 am

RIP, Lewis…
I have all of his books and have the color picture of Catfish welcoming Lewis into heaven framed on my wall. His column on Catfish’s death still brings tears to my eyes. Just damn!

Noway March 21, 2014 at 7:47 am

Thank you, Lewis…

My dog Catfish, the black Lab, died Thanksgiving night. The vet said his heart gave out.
Down in the country, they would have said, “Lewis’ dog up and died.” He would have been 12 had he lived ’til January.

Catfish had a good life. He slept indoors. Mostly he ate what I ate. We shared our last meal Tuesday evening in our living room in front of the television. We had a Wendy’s double cheeseburger and some chili.

Catfish was a gift from my friends Barbara and Vince Dooley. Vince, of course, is the athletic director at the University of Georgia. Barbara is a noted speaker and author. I named him driving back to Atlanta from Athens where I had picked him up at the Dooley’s home. I don’t know why I named him what I named him. He was all curled up in a blanket on my back seat. And I looked at him and it just came out. I called him, “Catfish.” I swear he raised up from the blanket and acknowledged. Then he severely fouled the blanket and my back seat.

He was a most destructive animal the first three years of his life. He chewed things. He chewed books. He chewed shoes. “I said to Catfish, ‘Heel,’” I used to offer from behind the dais, “and he went to my closet and chewed up my best pair of Guccis.” Catfish chewed TV remote-control devices. Batteries and all. He chewed my glasses. Five pairs of them.

One day, when he was still a puppy, he got out of the house without my knowledge. The doorbell rang. It was a young man who said, “I hit your dog, but I think he’s OK.” He was. He had a small cut on his head and he was frightened, but he was otherwise unhurt. “I came around the corner,” the young man explained, “and he was in the road chewing on something. I hit my brakes the second I saw him.” “Could you tell what he was chewing on?” I asked. “I know this sounds crazy,” the young man answered, “but I think it was a beer bottle.”

Catfish stopped chewing while I still had a house. Barely.
He was a celebrity, Catfish. I spoke recently in Michigan. Afterwards a lady came up to me and said, “I was real disappointed with your speech. You didn’t mention Catfish.”

He got his own mail. Just the other day the manufacturer of a new brand of dog food called “Country Gold,” with none other than George Jones’ picture on the package, sent Catfish a sample of its new product. For the record, he still preferred cheeseburgers and chili.

Catfish was once grand marshal of the Scottsboro, Ala., “Annual Catfish Festival.” He was on television and got to ride in the front seat of a police car with its siren on.

He was a patient, good-natured dog, too. Jordan, who is five, has been pulling his ears since she was two. She even tried to ride him at times. He abided with nary a growl.

Oh, that face and those eyes. What he could do to me with that face and those eyes. He would perch himself next to me on the sofa in the living room and look at me. And love and loyalty would pour out with that look, and as long as I had that, there was very little the human race could do to harm my self-esteem.

Good dogs don’t love bad people.

He was smart. He was fun. And he loved to ride in cars. There were times he was all that I had. And now he has up and died. My own heart, or what is left of it, is breaking.

Three Jack March 21, 2014 at 9:29 am

Thanks for posting Noway. It is truly hard to believe that it has been 20 years since his passing, I still remember where I was when the announcement was made.

My awesome grandmother used to cut out and mail me his columns while I was stationed aboard the Ike in the Med, it made my week every time I got one of her letters with the columns. I can only imagine what he would write about today considering the changes that have occurred since his death. Nobody will ever match his wit and southern wisdom.

Favorite column:

http://www.lewisgrizzard.com/columns/archive/dixie.htm

If y’all don’t like Dixie, Delta is ready

By Lewis Grizzard

I don’t care what they do to the Georgia state flag. They can put a big peach on the thing as far as I’m concerned. They can put Deion Sanders’ smiling face on it.

And let it be known that the opponents of the flag, with its reminiscence of the Confederate banner, will bring down that flag.

One way or the other, color it red, white, blue and gone. It’s politically incorrect and all the things that are deemed such have no future in this country.

We elected Hillary Rodham Clinton and the ban on the gays in the military will be lifted. It’s a done deal. Like it or not, the Georgia state flag has no chance either.

The issue on my mind is white Southerners like myself.

They don’t like us. They don’t trust us. They want to tell us why we’re wrong. They want to tell us how we should change.

They is practically every s.o.b. who isn’t one of us.

I read a piece on the op-ed page of the Constitution written by somebody who in the jargon of my past “ain’t from around here.”

He wrote white Southerners are always looking back and that we should look forward. He said that about me.

I’m looking back? I live in one of the most progressive cities in the world. We built a subway to make Yankees feel at home.
And I live in a region the rest of the country can’t wait to move to.

A friend, also a native Southerner, who shares my anger about the constant belittling of our kind and our place in this world, put it this way: “Nobody is going into an Atlanta bar tonight celebrating because they’ve just been transferred to New Jersey.”

Damn straight.

I was having lunch at an Atlanta golf club recently. I was talking with friends.

A man sitting at another table heard me speaking and asked, “Where are you all from?” He was mocking me. He was mocking my Southern accent. He was sitting in Atlanta, Ga., and was making fun of the way I speak.

He was from Toledo. He had been transferred to Atlanta. If I hadn’t have been 46 years old, skinny and a basic coward with a bad heart, I’d have punched him. I did, however, give him a severe verbal dressing down.

I was in my doctor’s office in Atlanta. One of the women who works there, a transplanted Northerner, asked how I
pronounced the world “siren.”

I said I pronounced it “si-reen.” I was half kidding, but that is the way I heard the word pronounced when I was a child.

The woman laughed and said, “You Southerners really crack me up. You have a language all your own.”

Yeah we do. If you don’t like it, go back home and stick your head in a snow bank.

They want to tell us how to speak, how to live, what to eat, what to think and they also want to tell us how they used to do it
back in Buffalo.

Buffalo? What was the score? A hundred and ten to Zip.

The man writing on the op-ed page was writing about that bumper sticker that shows the old Confederate soldier and he’s saying, “FERGIT HELL!” I don’t go around sulking about the fact the South lost the Civil War. But I am aware that once upon a long time ago, a group of Americans saw fit to rebel against what they thought was an overbearing federal government. There is no record anywhere that indicates anybody in my family living in 1861 owned slaves. As a matter of fact, I come from a long line of sharecroppers, horse thieves and used car dealers. But a few of them fought anyway — not to keep their slaves, because they didn’t have any. I guess they simply thought it was the right thing to do at the time.

Whatever the reason, there was a citizenry that once saw fit to fight and die and I come from all that, and I look at those people as brave and gallant, and a frightful force until their hearts and their lands were burnt away.

I will never turn my back on that heritage.

But know this: I’m a white man and I’m a Southerner. And I’m sick of being told what is wrong with me from outside critics, and I’m tired of being stereotyped as a refugee from “God’s Little Acre.”

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times, and I’ll probably have to say it a thousand times again.

Delta may be hurting financially, but it’s still ready to take you back to Toledo when you are ready to go.

– Published Feb. 5, 1993

The Last Democrat in Georgia March 21, 2014 at 8:00 am

Thanks for the news.

saltycracker March 21, 2014 at 8:39 am

Lewis Grizzard was the guy that reaffirmed our ideal good old boy as Foxworthy does today, but he wrote to us. Was googling him on the Underground Atlanta buyout the other day, thinking it was him that blasted the rebirth plan years ago.

It turned out the Underground revival displeasure columns were by another entertaining writer: Ron Hudspeth.

http://www.thehudspethreport.com/hudscorner04.htm#march

Dave Bearse March 21, 2014 at 9:03 am

Who knew lobster could be purchased with food stamps?

Caterpillar, Inc. senior executives and large shareholders can purchase lobster too.

The difference is that the Caterpillar folks actually purchase lobster but get a pass on drug testing with respect to their state handout.

US population increased 23,000,000 and jobs by 8,000,000 between 2003 and now. There are 300,000 more people, and nearly 100,000 less jobs in Georgia now than in 2003.

The actions of the GaGOP, that with about 2/3 majority can do whatever it wants, speak louder than words: guns, Obamacore, and special protections for “free enterprise” privatization. The GaGOP: moving Georgia forward!

saltycracker March 21, 2014 at 9:38 am

The GOP spun its wheels but if they listened to the Democrats the population would not have increased so much, more married couples would be reaping benefits, fewer folks could protect themselves and tens of thousands more would have been on some kind of public benefit. Moving Georgia forward toward what ?

Neither focus on what is best for ALL Georgians

Dave Bearse March 21, 2014 at 10:13 am

There’s still room for more self-protection in bars and on college campuses.

saltycracker March 21, 2014 at 10:27 am

Then Darwin would be validated. :)

seenbetrdayz March 22, 2014 at 7:48 am

Considering that the Dems @ the national level passed something as massive as Obamacare with just a simple majority, 2/3rds sounds like a reasonable figure.

But I’m gonna agree with you on the Caterpillar issue.

Ellynn March 21, 2014 at 9:23 am

Savannah had a gnomme revolt…

Dave Bearse March 21, 2014 at 9:26 am

I became a regular Live Apartment Fire reader last November. It’s a great blog.

David C March 21, 2014 at 9:47 am

I suspect it’s not hard to get a standing ovation giving a speech on campus to a self selected crowd that wanted to come see you. State universities have huge enrollments–Even if 95% of Berkley’s super liberal, that leaves thousands of other students, a few hundred of which might be conservative/libertarian enough to want to go see Rand Paul. That’s more than enough to fill an auditorium.

saltycracker March 21, 2014 at 10:37 am

WORLD NEWS: In the Central African Republic Muslim rebels had overthrown the government and were committing atrocities on the Christians, , killing, dismemberment, cannibalism, cutting off children’s heads, raping women…….U.N. and French sent troops, the tide turned, Christians regained the upper hand, Muslims by the tens of thousands began fleeing….the troops could not stop the retaliation as mobs went after the Muslims, killing, dismemberment, cannibalism, cutting off children’s heads, raping the women…….

Machetes being the choice of weapons….

saltycracker March 22, 2014 at 8:29 am

More news out of Africa: as men fear their wives sharp words, Kenya has the solution….dilution

http://news.yahoo.com/kenya-legalises-polygamy-without-wifes-consent-135856380.html;_ylt=AwrTWf27ZSxTkkEAhk3QtDMD

Harry March 22, 2014 at 9:58 am

Islamic creepers.

saltycracker March 22, 2014 at 10:55 am

Feminist!

Jon Lester March 21, 2014 at 10:41 am

Christiane Amanpour should ask the Norwegian foreign minister what he thinks, by contrast. The people of Norway voted twice to stay independent of the EU, and now they have another good reason to keep it that way.

Harry March 22, 2014 at 11:59 am

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