Well, tonight marks yet another round of Oscar awards for the lib’ral Hollywood elite to pat themselves on the back for solving global warming, eliminating poverty in the third world, and adopting a child from every continent. And, when you think of the Oscars, what icon of Georgia politics do we all think of? That’s right, my main man John Oxendine.
We all know Ox has a history with the Oscars, but I was worried that Ox might not get to go this year because of his souring relationship with Dr. Jeffery Gallups. You don’t remember Dr. G? He’s the dude that bundled over $100K in family contributions to Oxendine’s campaign, and took him to the Oscars not once, but twice. He also took Ox hunting and lived to tell about it. Must be a brave man.
But, the worry for Ox at this year’s Oscars appears to be over. According to the following memo that may OR MAY NOT be from the Ox’s campaign, it looks like plans to attend this year’s Oscars are in full force:
To: Illustrious
cultistsstaffers of the John Oxendine for King Of The World GovernorFrom: Your Godlike Tweeter In Chief
Subject: While I’m hangin’ with Elton
I’ll be too busy partying it up with my Hollywood peeps to take care of many things this weekend, so here’s a few instructions for Oscar weekend:
1) James Cameron is likely to win big, so please make sure we get a good tweet off. Something like “Congrats to Cameron for a worthy Best Picture Nomination. We’re pulling for Titanic all the way”
2) Remember if anyone asks, we refunded the cost of our travel to our
stoogemajor contributor. We have already lost the documentation for this, right? Hahahaha.3) If anyone back home asks why I’m hanging at a party with a major advocate for gay rights, please be sure to tell them how much I’m against gay rights. Unless they’re for them. Remember, just like you guys answer the Sunday Sales issue, please make sure all staffers who get questions on my position tell whomever is asking that I agree with their position, and they should ask me personally about it. Just make sure I know which answer they want to hear before they ask me. This telling different people different things can get confusing.
4) Hey, how about another tweet? Don’t we have a best actress nomination for a Southerner who filmed a large part of her movie in Georgia this year? Tweet “Best of Luck to Sally Field for her role in Smokey and The Bandit” at some point.
5) It’s Sunday, so if any of you didn’t plan ahead, just get an insurance exec to take you to an early dinner. Make sure you take a bottle of wine or two home with you. To make sure you look like a real connoisseur, don’t order anything under $600 a bottle. Don’t worry, it will taste just like the stuff we get at Trader Joe’s.
O.K., that’s all for now. If Westmoreland calls, be sure to tell him I’m at the Oscars and he’s not. If he wants to be here next year, tell him to play ball next time.
XOXO,
OX
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Quite creative and funny.
Classic good stuff. I wouldn’t be so harsh on the staff though. They’re just trying to make a living.
Sticks and stones may break his bones, but words will never hurt him.
Especially since he is not allowed to read PP ….[the unoffical abbreviation].
Ox told me he was going to the Georgia vs. Michigan state football game tonight.
Ox showed up in case his autobiographical film won the Oscar for best picture…Inglourious Basterds.
I thought he was nominated for Best Portrayal of a Conservative.
Like Bullock, he’s been simultaneously nominated for some Razzies: Worst Portrayal of a Bird Hunter and Worst Portrayal of a Football Fan.
+2
First, very funny.
Second, there is something very disturbing, feminine, and squishy, about a hetrosexual male wanting to attend the Oscars. I wouldn’t go if you paid for the trip; like the Ox. It seems so boring to me; trying to catch a glimpse of Elton John or Sean Penn. Whatever floats you boat.
I’d rather spend the time hunting, fishing or golfing with friends and family.
I would go only because Mrs. ByteMe would want to go. Otherwise, I don’t even bother to watch it on TV.
I’d tell Mrs. Macho to take a girlfriend.
Maybe Ox went there as a “seat warmer.” You know, the guy who runs to fill some star’s seat if they leave for a few minutes.
Good one, I like that!
I would prefer going to the Fox Theatre and seeing anything produced by Andrew Lloyd Webber, or to the High Museum of Art to see Pointillism or Postimpressionist art work. This would be so much better than going to the Oscars and way more fun!
You lost me the moment you said Andrew Lloyd Webber, schlockmeister extraordinaire.
Ouch!
I’m actually not a fan of the Fox. Having long legs without much leg room in front of me just isn’t comfortable for long performances. We went and saw Celtic Woman there a couple of years ago, but I try not to make it a habit to go too often. For this same reason, I don’t really go to the movies all that often either… besides the crying babies, screaming kids, people talking on their cell phones, etc. I typically just wait for things to come out on DVD or Blu-Ray and watch it in my home theater where I can pause it for bathroom or snack breaks.
Also, the Oscars knocked out this week’s Masterpiece Theatre, which lately has been Jane Austen stories, and Sherlocke Holmes Mysteries. I was so looking forward to watching those tonight.
You’re living in the land of the lowest common denominator.
What do you mean?
Reminds me of this comic I saw in yesterday’s librul AJC.
http://content.comicskingdom.net/Rhymes_with_Orange/Rhymes_with_Orange.20100307_small.gif
“Don’t worry, it will taste just like the stuff we get at Trader Joe’s.”
…Like Ox has ever drank Two Buck Chuck.
\probably picking a bottle on the ride home today
Side-note, James Cameron won nothing, thusly the world remains just for one night.
This is way too funny for words! Good one, Icarus.
I’m going to treat this like an open, thread. If I’m outa line here, lemme know.
Has anyone considered having Georgia’s top budget officer elected rather than appointed by the Gov? Our Director of OTFS is the equivalivent of the State Treasurer (CFO, Comptroller, etc) of many other states. Of the 49 states that have a similar office, only 11 are appointed and one is “elected” by the legislature. I really like idea of having this function of government operating separate of direct influence of the Gov or legislature.
I would be fine with seeing Labor, Edu, and Insurance appointed and having this one elected. Thoughts?
Since you had one of the better comments of the year a couple of days ago, I’ll allow it. this time.
Link?
http://www.peachpundit.com/2010/03/03/new-polling-on-sos-and-insurance-commissioner/comment-page-1/#comment-217967
That’s an excellent idea. Perhaps we wouldn’t still be “waiting” on the budget, if this were the case.
Racism and political extremism share one component in common:
One finds oneself laughing at jokes they’d never thought they would find funny.
What I find reprehensible is anyone clinging to a polemic viewpoint as the flag burns. We will not see the healthcare Bill pass. Some will be joyful, others will lament. Prices will continue to be ignored, real solutions may languish in a ensuing political “Sargasso Sea”.
And some will realize we don’t have time for this nonsense.
+1
Literally 5 minutes of the urologist’s time cost me 300 dollars. I clearly entered the wrong profession.
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