5 comments

  1. bmerck says:

    For the purposes of the criminal justice system, he’s innocent until proven guilty.

    For the purposes of my being a fan of him, he’s guilty enough. Bring on D.J. Shockley.

  2. shrike071 says:

    COMMISSIONER:
    Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether he is a witch.
    VILLAGER #1:
    Are there?
    VILLAGER #2:
    Ah?
    VILLAGER #1:
    What are they?
    CROWD:
    Tell us! Tell us!…
    COMMISSIONER:
    Tell me. What do you do with witches?
    VILLAGER #2:
    Burn!
    VILLAGER #1:
    Burn!
    CROWD:
    Burn! Burn them up! Burn!…
    COMMISSIONER:
    And what do you burn apart from witches?
    VILLAGER #1:
    More witches!
    VILLAGER #3:
    Shh!
    VILLAGER #2:
    Wood!
    COMMISSIONER:
    So, why do witches burn?
    [pause]
    VILLAGER #3:
    B–… ’cause they’re made of… wood?
    COMMISSIONER:
    Good! Heh heh.
    CROWD:
    Oh, yeah. Oh.
    BEDEVERE:
    So, how do we tell whether he is made of wood?
    VILLAGER #1:
    Build a bridge out of her!!!!!
    COMMISSIONER:
    Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?
    VILLAGER #1:
    Oh, yeah.
    RANDOM:
    Oh, yeah. True. Uhh…
    BEDEVERE:
    Does wood sink in water?
    VILLAGER #1:
    No. No.
    VILLAGER #2:
    No, it floats! It floats!
    VILLAGER #1:
    Throw him into the pond!
    CROWD:
    The pond! Throw him into the pond!
    COMMISSIONER:
    What also floats in water?
    VILLAGER #1:
    Bread!
    VILLAGER #2:
    Apples!
    VILLAGER #3:
    Uh, very small rocks!
    VILLAGER #1:
    Cider!
    VILLAGER #2:
    Uh, gra– gravy!
    VILLAGER #1:
    Cherries!
    VILLAGER #2:
    Mud!
    VILLAGER #3:
    Uh, churches! Churches!
    VILLAGER #2:
    Lead! Lead!
    ERICK:
    A duck!
    CROWD:
    Oooh.
    COMMISSIONER:
    Exactly. So, logically…
    VILLAGER #1:
    If… he… weighs… the same as a duck,… he’s made of wood.

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